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I Love Goals…I Hate Not Achieving Them

November 19, 2011

Everyone has goals. Starting from when you are little-wanting to hit the ball with the bat, beating your sibling at their grades, getting goods scores on the SATs and graduating high school. Getting older they change into graduating college, getting a good job, getting married and having children. Then those goals warp into broader themes like losing weight or working out and seeing the world. How many of us actually set specific goals? Probably not many. Who really sets attainable goals like getting A job after college not specifically a good one or the perfect one? Or lose 10 pounds in a specific time period instead of 50 pounds in general? Or become a certified personal trainer instead of work out daily for two hours?

I love goals. I always have them somewhere inside me, thinking about them constantly. I think about what I need to do to get to my next stage in life. Easy goals like just going online to apply for jobs, making it to the gym whether it is before or after work it doesn’t matter. Making healthy lunches for the week on Sunday so I don’t go out everyday with coworkers and not only eat crappy but spend money that doesn’t need to go into Subways or Nugget Market’s deep pockets. I wear nice clothes and heels to work so I feel nice about myself instead of just jeans and t-shirts to hide what I think is wrong with me. I put money aside for future travel plans, instead of spending frivolously on things that are dispensable.

I love goals that show a change in my body. This goal is one that I know I have total control over. I have always had the “lose weight” goal that everyone has. Even after I had gastric bypass surgery I never was able to be totally okay with my body. I thank God for the surgery everyday because I could not see a way to have lost the excess weight without it. Now I can workout two to three hours at a time-and be sore afterwards but love that I could do it. I can run four miles on the treadmill, do a 5k monthly, I can do strength classes and boot camp classes at the gym daily, all because I lost 175 pounds. I love that the workout goal has toned my legs and I have a body part to be proud of. I can see real differences in myself post bypass that I would never have gotten without it, and can now set reasonable goals that are specific in nature so I don’t lose sight of what I desire.

I am proud of my current goal. I decided that for the new year and Lent, my goal is to train for a 1/2 marathon. For New Years and Lent I have been giving up food items, and been extremely great at not going back to whatever it was. Over the last three years I have been able to give up chocolate, soda, chips, Starbucks, white chocolate and yogurt covered foods and many other things. This New Years resolution I am giving up store bought cookies. But for Lent I decided that instead of giving things up, I am going to do something that will inherently help and change me. I was reading Shape magazine and saw a training plan for 5 Weeks to a 5k. I already do monthly 5k’s so I just glanced at it, but at the bottom was what to add to do a 10k and 1/2 marathon. That was it for me, my decision was made and my buddy was texted. I am one week into it and my legs are not sore yet and I am not putting in as much gym time but the effort and difficulty is just as great. I can’t wait until I have logged more then four miles at one time. I can already see myself at the “end” line of the treadmill with my arms pumping in the air, proud of what I have just done.

I hate when I don’t achieve my goals. The one goal I have always had, besides weight loss, is to find the perfect job. I am a job searcher, I guess you could call it dreamer, at heart. No job has ever been “it” for me. I always find whatever it is I do boring, to easy, not fun and just plain not full-filling. I always think that there is something bigger and better out there. I even moved across the country to find the excitement, and found a job that was pretty much the same thing I was doing back home, but at least I got travel out of it (my one great passion). The bad thing about job searching is that it is not about me. It is not about the applicant, since it is out of your hands after hitting the apply button. I am constantly searching for new jobs, but it is getting harder with so many people out of work that have degrees…which leads to the other goal that I is always in the forefront of my head. A degree, totally attainable, ever out of reach.

I hate achieving goals alone. So many people are in it with you-whether it be on the side lines or actually next to you helping you. I hate when I have to do it by myself though. I just can’t seem to get it together, or at least hold it together by myself. Having a buddy that is supportive, doing the same workout and putting in the same effort as you and who is eating healthfully along with you is so important you just don’t realize until you move away and they aren’t by your side anymore. I moved away from the person who helped me get past-not just get past but beat it down!-my plateau, but since then the weight has crept back on and filled back in the skin that had let it go. My body likes to workout, that is not my problem. Putting in effort at the gym is not my problem. I need someone who is eating cleanly, healthfully and pretty much the same as me to get my eating under control. Being around people who are open to vegetarianism and like clean eating and don’t mind giving up the crap is not just helpful it is necessary to your well being.

My goals normally consume me. Not always a bad thing, but when the goals are not set clearly or aren’t really attainable, that is not healthy. My broad weight loss goals consume me. I wake up every morning and if the scale has decided not to befriend me, it will eat at me the rest of the day. I will punish myself for the gain at the gym, but then sabotage myself by eating something I don’t even really want nor need at all. I will think about my workout goals all day, between entering time & attendance and bill paying at work. My goals of giving up food items will be in the back of my mind all during the difficult times of the day, particularly when they are brought in by staff. Donuts and cookies on the reception counter, chocolate cake or fudge as freebies at the market, Starbucks literally on every corner. But the goals that consume me are the few that are not achieved. Maybe not necessarily achieved-because in reality I have made every one, by losing weight and hitting the gym, and having a job, and I have seen the world-but not seeing the positive in every small goal that I have obtained-that is my real downfall.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Linda permalink
    November 19, 2011 6:58 pm

    Sometimes it is hard to see the best in everything, even the small things, the hard things, the sad things. You have been so tremendously successful over the last few years! Don’t beat yourself up for the few times you backslide, or ‘cheat’, because those are learning experiences too! Enjoy every minute, every success, every part of your life no matter what is happening!

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